Tony Story: The Holiday Special (AKA How Facundo stole 12 days of merry Christmas Carol, Tony Story! ft. Jani the rednose snowman)

Be me
Be Tony
Be old as fuck
With economical help of old friend TheGang be able to re-open Badweiser as new Computer Formatting Company
Be the current CEO of Badweiser Inc.
Become so rich that I can lit a joint with 500$  bill and not give a fuck
Bill Gates is jealous of my devotion to being rich
Waste fuck ton of money in onions and bitches
Hate christmas because workers have the day off and no-profit (plus only believe in true god Shrek)
Even Fiol, the not payed intern, asks me if I want to come join his family on Christmas
I beat Fiol up and tell him he’s full of shit, make him come do extra hours on Christmas Eve
Get home and find Ghost Facundo painted green, dressed as Santa and steeling presents
“Smoooooking!” He says as he tries to runaway like little girl he is
Get angry as fuck “THIS IS MY F*CKIN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, GET YOUR OWN YOU DUMB  LADDEH”
Stick HDD” rocket in his ass and send him far far away
Finally go to bed and sleep
Uncle Frankfurt ghost wakes me up
“Damn it laddeh, are we seriously doing the 3 ghost/spirits story that has been to death? IT’S MY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL” I say
Uncle Frankfurt says “The writers were fucking lazy and wanted this uploaded on janitor.ga before December”
“Okay, show me my fucking past so I just learn the fuckin lesson laddeh” I tell Uncle Frankfurt.
We travel back in time to when I was copernicus teacher.
“See Tony, you were lazy as fuck. No tutoria class, all the homework marks you just gave 0; 5 or 10, when alumni computer failed you just formatted” Says Uncle Frankfurt
Transform into ogre form and give Uncle Frankfurt kick in the balls
“Don’t insult the power of format, laddeh” I say
“You didn’t understand the lesson, stop being such a lazy cunt” says Uncle Frankfurt “Nevermind, hope the next spirit teaches you a fuckin lesson asshole”
Uncle Frankfurt ghost returns me back to present day and let’s me go back to sleep.
Jani the rednose snowman comes to wake me up next, looks like the writers were lazy as fuck with christmas ripoff thing.
“I’m older than fuck” he says.
“Will you be showing me my nice as fuck succesful millionaire present, laddeh?”
He tells me red nose is just because he has a cold, he goes to the toilet during 3 or 4 hours and comes back
“Follow me Tony, I will show you something” says janitor as he goes outside and start walking
We stop in front of the crappiest chabola ever, smells like shit, walls are made from cardboard, windows are drawn with plastidecor.
“Do you live in here Jani?” I ask him
“No, too crappy even for me” says Jani “my swamp has planted onions and shit”
Look through one of the many holes on cardboard walls, it’s Fiol.
Fiol is eating cold caducated can of lentejas alone, from Christmas dinner.
“Do you see the misery your old time friend and coworker is going through, just because you dont pay him enough?” Says Jani.
“Enough?” I say “I don’t pay him at all”. “Plus, THAT DUMB CUNT SHOULD BE WORKING EXTRA HOURS RIGHT NOW, He is going to have to pay me for this”.
“You didn’t understand the lesson, stop being such a selfish cunt” says Jani “Nevermind, hope the next spirtt teaches you a damn lesson son”.
Jani and I walk back home and I try to sleep the 4 hours remaining of night.
Mr Skeltal wakes me up, lord of death and calcium.
“So you’re the last spirit laddeh?” I tell Mr skeltal.
“Im sorry Tony my child, I must have to take you.” He says.
Mr skeltal starts playing doot music on trumpet and takes me to drek grave
“Fuck off, laddeh” I tell skeltal “You were my friend, and betrayed me for the disgusting smeagol”
“Its too late my child, you messed up way too much” Says skeltal “This is your funeral and nobody came, you were lazy, selfish and no wonder you don’t have any friends”
“Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest” says tony
“This is the end of your journey Tony, now I am going to kill you” Says skeltal
“Oh really? You and what army” I say, as all of my drek alumni appear at my funeral attendance with Shrek, Barry the Bee, Megamind, Madagascar Penguins and Po the panda  wearing ogre warrior uniforms. “Laddehs, what is your profession?”
“TONY IS LOVE” They yell “TONY IS LIFE”
Mr skeltal poops his pants and runsaway so drek alumni don’t slit his throat
“See laddehs, I ain’t learnt shit from this lesson.” Says Tony “I am still lazy, selfish and hate christmas”
Drek alumni sing christmas song to Tony:
On the first Tony Story, Facundo hired Tony
Tony murdered him because no-onion policy
On the second Tony Story, the child of Facundo and Smeagol came
So Tony killed onion allergic Farqueagol, who is to blame?
On the third Tony Story, dumb old Facundo came back
And Tony’s good friend Skeltal stabbed him in the back
On the fourth Tony Story, Smeagol came along
Ghost Tony got to kill her, even if she sucked TheGang’s dong
On the fifth Tony Story, Tony resurrected
When he raped the maltese waifu he was probably erected
On the sixth Tony Story, they took an ogretrip
Shrek and Tony raped immigrants with no censorship
 
One Facundo hires, Two Farqueagol comes, Three Facundo comes back, Four came the Smeagol, Five Tony lives, Six ogretip
And most of these Tony stories have their own videoclip.
 
On the seventh Tony Story, Tony caught Frankfurt aids
So no more ogresex withw any frankfurt babes
On the eigth Tony Story, shit got even worse
Tony demmanded movie studio without any remorse
On the ninth Tony Story, Tony and Homer met
Havent even read it, but it ends in rape, you wanna bet?
On the tenth Tony Story, an ogrenazi was born
But its likely by the end of it, he looked at black guy porn
On the eleventh Tony Story, Tony sat on Sheldon’s spot
He then raped all of his friends, including bowl hair astronaut
On the twelfth Tony Story, Toney met Grunkle Stan
Stole his money, raped his nephews, became a man.
 
Seven Tony gets aids, Eight even worse, Nine meets with Homer, Ten ogrenazi, Eleven Sheldon’s spot, Twelve Grunkle Stan
Merry christmas to you all, never trust a creepy Janitor driving a white van.
Song ends, still hate christmas
Santa comes
Santa rapes me
don’t hape christmas anymore
Be happy
Eat onion
Tony is Merry, Story is Christmas

shrek-holiday-shit

2 comments

  1. See Tony, you were lazy as fuck. No tutoria class, all the homework marks you just gave 0; 5 or 10, when alumni computer failed you just formatted

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